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Por games

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Neo Bender. It's the morning after and you're working through the awkwardness of what happens between you and the woman you've woken up beside, walking an interpersonal minefield while hungover and basically at your worst.

The WarioWare games are grab bags of Nintendo "microgames" a few seconds long. You're thrown into them at random, frantically trying to figure out the controls so you can land a hang-glider or saw through a tree or shave a moustache.

It's like being trapped in a frantic Japanese game show. NSFWare is that, with fucking. Each microgame is a pixel art trace of a scene from porn, and you have seconds to figure out how to mash the arrow keys to, for instance, jerk off two guys evenly or spank someone in a pillory.

The brightly colored pixel sex is absurd, the hectic microgames are unfair, and the combination makes for a perfect spectator sport.

It's Sex Games on the Commodore 64 only fun, and it lets you do what Nintendon't. If you like this you might also like: Genital Jousting , another party game about giggling at sexytimes.

In Genital Jousting each player controls a detachable penis that inexplicably has its own butthole, scoring points by penetrating other players.

It also comes with a singleplayer story mode that has to be seen to be believed. Your parents are out, and the dial-up internet is waiting for you.

A screechy modem is the gateway between you, AOL, and all the slow-loading bitmaps of naked people you could want. You Must Be 18 or Older to Enter recreates what it was like to be young in the s when the internet was new, confusing, and kind of frightening, and casts you as a kid for whom sex is also new, confusing, and kind of frightening.

You explore increasingly debased categories while under time pressure because every noise you hear could be your parents in the driveway.

It's a singular recreation of a moment in time, one that's not so far away and yet fascinatingly distant with its domains like fourecks.

If you like this you might also like: how do you Do It? Trials in Tainted Space a name surely chosen for its abbreviation gives you a spaceship and worlds to explore, but before it does that it puts you through a rigorous character creation process that includes detailing your genitalia in some very specific ways.

No matter what you choose, you end up playing the version of Captain Kirk who exists more in memes than actual Star Trek—the one who spends all his time banging green alien girls.

It's a text-heavy game, with small character illustrations in the corner of the screen. In a nice touch you can choose from several different artist's interpretations for many characters.

There's combat, and grid maps of planetary locations to explore, and a storyline about racing a rival heir, but mostly there's a lot of sex with a variety of weird aliens.

Like, really weird. Everything is somebody's fetish and there's stuff in Trials in Tainted Space will make you say, "Wow, somebody out there wants to fuck that?

If you like this you might also like: Corruption of Champions and its sequel, which are the same thing but in a fantasy setting.

The Dragon Age to its Mass Effect. After the threesome an awkward conversation happens. How do three people share a bed when they're just trying to get to sleep?

Triad is a puzzle game about arranging people with different sleeping habits on a single mattress, making sure the one who likes to roll around won't slip right onto the floor and nobody's face is next to the one who snores.

Then, once you've arranged everybody to your liking, you press the button to send them all to sleep and chaos breaks out.

This person flips over with their feet on that person's head, the other ends up on the floor no matter how much room you gave them, and finally the cat jumps on someone to make the disorder complete.

If you like this you might also like: Sextris , which is like Tetris only instead of falling blocks there are naked people whose bits need to be lined up so they can hump away.

Saya no Uta is the one game on this list that would be better if it wasn't a sex game. It's a horror-themed visual novel about a man whose traumatic head injury leaves him seeing the world as a grotesque, organic hellscape and everyone in it as tumorous monsters.

Everyone except for Saya, who appears to be a pretty young girl. Spoiler: she is not. It's Lovecraftian horror done right, with a main character who becomes the villain in a game of Call of Cthulhu by its end.

It's gripping, well-paced, and deeply messed up , but because it was developed by Nitroplus, who are infamous for this, Saya no Uta has a bunch of out-of-place hentai scenes inserted into it.

It's a sex game, but it would be much easier to recommend if it wasn't. If you like this you might also like: Doki Doki Literature Club!

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